Diary

archived and removed diary entry
11/09/23

archived and removed diary entry
11/09/23

didn't do much again today, surprise, surprise. watched an episode of grey's anatomy thst was super hard to get through because it was a bit too familiar.. breast cancer, moving to the liver, slowly getting worse and worse, eventually dying... it just hurt alot.
my dad set up the old pc in the dining room and i fucked around a bit on it. i'll probably do way more once it's cooler in the house in a couple days. found some nice memories and stuff. i found the fish screensaver programs i was trying to find the other day! i wanna figure out how to get them on my laptop. found some other games i wanna look into playing again, mostly snowy lunch rush. oh and i found my scooby doo windows dancer!! i found some things my mom wrote which with what happened earlier just really hurt. i think i'm gonna put the letter she wrote to me here:

Dear [my name],
I started writing you letters when you were only a few months old with the intention to keep track of how I was feeling and how you were growing and learning. And I have kind of slacked up on doing that in the past 2 years. Two years that have past so fast I can't believe it - you are 2 yrs. and 5months old. I love you so much. I wanted to write some things down now beacuse I want you to remember what you are learning and hae learned. and what you are like and so someday you can know too.
Let's see you are so smart. You know your alphabet all the way through and have known it for many months now. You love to sing and do all the time. You sing songs we have taught you - itsy bitsy spider, do you know the muffin man (the first song you sang by yourself) the alphabet song, twinkle twinkle little star, and you also sing your "favorite songs" - Buttercup, the Popcorn song, the stomp song (aka My Sharona). At night after your bath and vitamin we come into our (Mommy and Daddy's Room) and you dance to your "favorite songs"

it may seem stupid i don't know but something about reading that just made me feel nice. it's always nice reading things she wrote for me so long ago. she didn't know she wouldn't be here for me but reading things like this make me feel really connected to her. idk i feel a bit dumb but i just think i's sweet how she wrote for me even when she thought she would always be here. i thought everything was cute and sweet and so i don't mind sharing even though i don't think anyone will ever read this but me. something something digital ghosts.

yet again did jack shit.. need to go on walks again but leaving is so hard. it's harder beacuse i'm never alone. i hate that someone knows when i am leaving and when i come back. it just makes me want to hide. that's all i do these days. just hide. only hiding. i hate this feeling but it never stops because i'm never alone. ever
whatever i asked my dad if he can get me some printer ink and if he can take me to go look at wireless keyboards. very excited about that. he is also gonna take me to see the fnaf movie at the same theater we watched saw x! again very excited for that. he also may set up the old pc in the dining room for me to play on!! i love windows xp so so much. i wish we still had the xp plus laptop. maybe we do i don't remember but i think it's gone. i just like my pet laptop that runs on windows 7 and i wish i had that for xp. but i'll have a pc so it's ok i'll still have fun.
just less compact fun

in a better mood today maybe despite the fact i started today by finding out the chiaki pup got delayed and has NO RELEASE DATE CURRENTLY!! so the making myself sick with anxiety over money for this fig is not ending anytime soon...
finally after many years started reading danganronpa gaiden killer killer so that's fun.
sebby is sleeping on my bed and hasn't been driving me crazy today.. yet... i might start using a new wallet. well and old new wallet, i think my mom bought it around 2008ish but it's new to me.

spent most of yesterday organizing files on my computer mostly all my graphics. jesus christ i have so many.. my room smells like weed i think, i hate it here. finished season 12 of grey's yesterday but the website i use to watch it is having weird audio issues with season 13 so i've been desperately trying to find smth on youtube to watch but everything on there is annoying me. i think everything is just annoying me rn. and i'm out of monster so i have a headache too.. i am just so annoyed all the time now i think. i still need to go for a walk but i'm having so much trouble even getting out of bed... i really wanna get a new wireless keyboard but i still need to pay for the chiaki pup. i just wish i know how much shipping would be so i can actually plan how much money i need but i have no idea and that's annoying me too. i just wanna pay for her already. i ahte just letting the money sit in my account. i still prefer amiami for my figures but i just wish i could pay when i preordered like on tom. i would ask my dad for the keyboard but i might need to ask him to help with shipping for chiaki so i don't wanna ask.. i just want my wireless keyboard back so so bad.... the one i want is only like $25 i think but of course i can't afford it rn . i just want something nice. especially beacuse i won't even see my chiaki figure until next year probably because i can't afford anything but the cheapest shipping.. just annoyed with the whole world i think
anyways izzzyzzz uploaded a new video 20 minures ago apparently so i'm gonna go watch that now...

i am trying so so desperately to get this to work becaus ei am very much not used to working with html. BUT i am trying!!! maybe i should suckit up and actually read tutorial and do lessons and such.. maybe...
got off the phone with audrey a bit ago and dad made me a chocolate cinnamon shake currently watching grey's anatomy season 12 episode 14

R-H-ombus..

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nam vitae urna porttitor, dapibus risus eget, efficitur massa. Mauris orci dui, fringilla id urna quis, cursus rhoncus lorem. Cras blandit ultricies lectus.

Aenean elementum metus felis, in condimentum ante luctus et. Pellentesque ultrices diam nec fringilla ullamcorper. Morbi porta sem ac eros sollicitudin dignissim. Vestibulum tincidunt enim quis rutrum consequat.

In pulvinar in eros ullamcorper sollicitudin. Phasellus imperdiet vulputate sapien nec eleifend.